Things have made me angry this week. Bill did comment that the women in the house
were a bit hormonal lately. I know: he is
a brave or silly man. One
dead-eye-top-lip-sneer from SG was enough to stop his commentary though. I wish
you could have seen that look. She didn’t
even have to say a word; her face perfectly read “who are you to tell me what
is happening in my body?!” I am not sure if I have ever been more proud.
Anyway, lots of little things made me angry but there were
three that stand out in particular as fueling the raging fire. First up was the fact that I pulled in my driveway
and saw that the Yellow Pages had been delivered to my door. Why does this still happen? This annoys me to no end because I am not
going to use it, I am not sure it is actually recyclable and my hands are
already full coming through the door. I
tried to opt out of it being sent but you have to register to opt out and there
is no way I am giving them my name and email address. I just picture emails about Yellow Pages and
its nifty features every ten minutes. Surely
these people have heard of the internet and google, right? I bet that even the people who work for
Yellow Pages don’t use the Yellow Pages.
Who does that leave, old people?
If old people are actually still using Yellow Pages then they should be
stacked up by the doors of places that old people shop: Walgreen’s, Radio Shack
and True Value Hardware. Stop harassing the
rest of
us.
 |
| Stop the insanity! |
Next on the list: door-to-door salespeople. I know that there was once a time when
door-to-door salespeople were a necessity.
However, I also know this was before cars, mail-order or, again, the
internet. There is absolutely nothing
they are selling that I can’t get at Target, HEB or Amazon. I don’t like to open the doors to strangers
and I especially don’t like to open it up for pushy strangers trying to sell
magazine subscriptions. Actually, I have
let all my magazine subscriptions run out because I got tired of the monthly
notices letting me know that my account would expire in four years and eleven
months, four years and ten months, etc. Plus,
you are a STRANGER at my door, why on earth would I give you my credit card
information?
My final grievance for the week is Nextdoor Neighbor. This is an online thing you sign up for with
the other members of your neighborhood because we are all too terribly busy to
actually get to know our neighbors.
Ideally, it is supposed to be a messenger board with information about
the neighborhood: things going on, items for sale, dogs that are missing,
etc. What is actually is a public bitch
fest for neighbors to talk about their neighbors without calling them out by
name. Messages come across like “I
noticed that there is a car on blocks close to the school. Does anyone know if our HOA has regulations
against that?” You know, and the author
knows, that there are, they just want the chance to let their neighbor know,
without actually letting them know, that they have had it with their white trash
ways and are one step away from actually telling on them. I was also shocked because people would post
their address and the dates they would be out of town and ask if anyone knew a
plant sitter? I am no plant sitter, but I felt like breaking into their homes and
moving things around to show them how stupid they were being. I could unsubscribe to it but every now and
then, amidst the banal, the whining and the plain dumb, there come some gems
and I would hate to miss out on the gems.
The first gem was when they posted the Christmas Light Map. Yes, a map of the houses in the neighborhood
that planned on lighting their homes for Christmas. God forbid, you just amble around and see
which houses were lit, we must have a map!
Next up, the woman who actually used all three of her neighbor’s names
to call her out for running in the street when it was dark and making her
swerve her car to avoid hitting her.
Something like “MARY KATHERINE SOANDSO, I know it was you this morning
on THIS STREET- wear some reflective clothing and run on the sidewalk”. I laughed until I cried about that one. However, my favorite one by far was the one
where this woman commented that she had seen a large snake and was letting us
know about it. We get a lot of these but
this one stuck out because she titled it “big ass snake”. I am not sure why this woman and I are not
drinking beer in my driveway every Friday; she sounds like my type of person.
I keep giggling thinking about “big ass snake” greeting
hundreds of people in their inbox and this makes me feel less angry. Which is good because I don’t enjoy being
angry; it takes a lot of work and makes me feel sweaty inside. Plus, given the look on SG’s face, I am up
against some stiff competition and I think she can take me.
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