The Sky is Falling! The Sky is Falling!

First, let it be written and let it be read that I am in no way maligning teachers.  I think that although Canadian poet Shayne Koyczan was talking about his grandfather when he said "not every superhero wears a cape", he could have just as easily been talking about teachers.  Too many kids in too small a room, not enough supplies and state mandates that continually change are all in their day's work.  The elementary school teachers deal with runny noses, tying shoes and bathroom issues all while building the framework of education for our children to grow on.  The middle school teachers deal with hormones gone wild and easing our kids into learning how to open lockers, how to transition between classes and how to grow as a person and a student.  High school teachers also deal with hormones gone wild, compete with cell phones and help lead these kids into young adulthood.  Superhero work for sure.

This said, I have to ask, what is with the rush on our kids?  I feel it is wrong that I have to google how to help my 4th grader with his math homework.  (Partially my own issues I know, but also shows the scope of what they are expecting kids to learn).  I remember years of simply adding and subtracting in elementary school.  Years to memorize my multiplication tables, and I wasn't pressured to take a test to prove I could do it all in under two minutes.  Why do they have to be fast?  Why are we running a race with our small kids?  I have one child who can write in cursive but chooses not to and I have two children who cannot write in cursive at all.  Why?  There is no time to teach it.  Remember when it was a whole class and got it's own grade?  I loved handwriting because I wasn't really learning, I was just doing and it meant I was a big kid.  That and being able to use pen.  I haven't had a kid bring home a crafty project in years and that makes me sad.  Messy, gluey projects are what makes grade school fun!

We are lighting fires under our big kids too.  We are asking 14 and 15 year old kids to try and pin down what it is they want to do when they grow up in order to choose classes for the next four years.  At 14 and 15. I couldn't even wash my face properly at that age and I clearly remember having a panic attack about choosing a major at age 18 and in college.  Not only are we asking, we are providing the opportunity to take college classes while in high school.  Between this and AP and IB courses, some kids are graduating with almost two years' worth of college credit.  Which is good for the parent's bankroll, but is it good for our kids?  Do they get to be kids if they are up until the wee hours of the morning doing homework?  Our big kids are stressed and they are anxious.  And again I am left wondering, why all the rush?

It's that state testing, isn't it?  The "No Child Left Behind" boiling down to treating every single student the same and expecting them to churn out the same results at the end of the year.  

I have one kid who may never pass one of these tests legitimately and one who gets such bad anxiety that she fails the first one and will worry for months about taking the makeup.  They have benchmark testing to see if they will pass the big test at the end of the year and they have practice testing so that they can see what the big test will be like.  They learn how to circle key words and underline numbers.  They learn to completely fill in the bubble on their scantron.  The emphasis on learning sadly replaced with the emphasis on learning how to test.  For kids with learning disabilities it is even worse.  More rushing when what they need is more time, accommodations that help but make them feel embarrassed to use as they get older.

Another thing I see with all this rushing is that there are no deadlines anymore.  Got a bad grade?  Take the make up test.  Forgot to turn in your homework?  Just get it in before the end of the six weeks.  Life does not always give you do-overs but we are teaching our kids that deadlines are negotiable, that we will wait for them, that we are not as important as what they have going on and that everything can be a debate.  We are rushing them into being little monsters!

I wish that we could get a handle on what we are rushing for and see if it is legitimate.  Are we in competition with the rest of the world?  Yes?  For what? Gold?  The Northwest Passage?  Space Travel? Is it worth creating kids who can test but don't remember anything they learned?

Calvin got it.

I wish that everyone would just simmer down.  I would like more glue and less math in grade school.  I would like us not to give phones to our middle schoolers because it makes them forget how to read.  Let's show our high schoolers what stress is really like by having them multi-task: work, do extracurricular activities AND homework.  I wish our teachers could spend more time on the subject they are teaching and less on the test for that subject.  This state testing is like kryptonite to their superpowers.  I am weary of TEKS, TAKS, STAAR and other acronyms rushing my kids through school.  I am not sure how we fix it and I am not sure how we keep from being caught up in the rush that is going on, but I am looking for the brakes and hope others are too.

Little Steps, Little Steps

Did you know that by today, January 17th, most New Year’s resolutions, especially those concerning diet and exercise, have failed? I read this on the internet so I know it is true but even if it is not really true, I have no trouble believing it either. New Year, new you? Please! Enter gag sound here. I did not make any resolution to lose weight or be healthy yet as I am bombarded by commercials telling me to slim down, to firm up or just plain stop being fat and lazy, I almost find myself caught up in the hype. Almost. Then I remember that it is January and that January is hunker down and survive month, not change your life month.


 Let’s think about why these diet and exercise resolutions fail so quickly. First, we start these goals on New Year’s Day which immediately sets us up for failure. More than likely we have spent NYE drinking and you know you need a greasy burger and something deep fat fried to soak up the extra alcohol still in your stomach, not whole grains and veggies. I am all for quinoa, but not on New Year’s Day. Plus we have just come off of the eating frenzy known as Christmas. We have made merry. We have eaten and drank with abandon and our bodies now really like and expect cookies, candy, cheese, fancy appetizers and more. They want it to be washed down with wine and beer and drinks. They do. And when we don’t give it to them, our bodies get mad. They growl, they make us feel weak and headachy, not strong and healthy. So we break down and give them chocolate. We give them wine. And then we feel better. All except my sister-in-laws in Canada who are half-way through a 30 day juice cleanse and made of stronger stuff than me. As well as my sister and cousin who apparently only eat one square of Ghirardelli chocolate a day. My cousin says that the wrappers deter her from eating another one. I can see how it would slow you down, but not deter. Plus if you use your teeth to open the wrapper, you are one step closer to the chocolate inside! 

Next, January is a cold month. A sit-by-the-fire month, not a get-up-and-get-walking month. I enjoyed that recent “polar vortex” we all went through because it only got down to the 30’s here and that was at night. However, for those of you up north in the bitter, bitter cold I imagine it was not as enjoyable. I also imagine that you did not come in from shoveling your driveway and reach for some cold carrot sticks. You went for a hot beverage. Or a big bowl of stew, chili, soup and bread hot from the oven. Yum! That is what a body needs after shivering all day. And a cookie too. 

Brrr!

For you northerners, January is a dark month. What do you get up there, two or three hours of daylight right now? There is nothing sadder than leaving the house in the dark and coming home when it is dark. This does not lend itself to your new exercise goals, does it? You are not going to go to the gym after work. You are going to come home and put on your pajama pants and a pot of tea. And what goes well with tea? Cookies. 

I think we would all be a lot happier if we made January "Little Steps Month" instead. We don’t need to lose 10 pounds this month. We could just try to eat a little less. You don’t have to join a gym with a million other people and wait in line for a stair stepper. Just walk your dogs, or your kids, one night a week. Or sit on the floor during commercials and do sit-ups or push-ups or planks until your show comes back on. Little steps, little steps. We can do that! And then we can feel accomplished which will keep us motivated. If we are motivated, we might try another small thing and then one smaller thing and we will keep being successful. This will be very important come March when the weather gets nice and we start wearing shorts and exposing our legs to the world again. (And shaving.) Razors in March, swimsuits come May, the pressure will be on and we will rise to the challenge. However, for January with its cold and dark and February with its diabolical Valentine’s celebration, let’s just take small steps and feel accomplished. Who’s with me?

Ch-Ch-Change

Ahh, my two weeks off for Winter Break were lovely.  Everyone was happy to be home and happy to step out of the rush of school and work .  Pajama day?  Sure.  Movies in the afternoon?  Definitely.  Board Games?  Well, if we have to.  You have to, so sit down and play.  Even being sick for half of it was alright because I didn't have to worry about calling in sick or things piling up. 

Yep, pure relaxation.

It was great.  You know what is hard to do after two weeks like that?  Going back to work!   Anyway, I came back to work on Monday and it was a staff development day so I thought there would be some meetings, lunch out and chit chatting as we all caught up about our time off.  Sadly, there was none of that.  Only change and with it, pandemonium.    Mold was found in some classrooms here and four of the classrooms were being moved in the library.  Right that minute.  Additionally, the big copiers and laminator and paper storage were also being moved in with us so we had to clean out the storage room.    There were teachers moving in, there were movers pushing things and pulling things and showing up with boxes of this and that and whose was this anyway all day.  My coworker summed it up as a “real shit-show” and she was right!    We decided as long as there were burly men moving things, lets have them move the bookcases we wanted to move one day.  Which meant moving more books than I care to remember.  It was non-stop all day and I left exhausted. The exhaustion lingered and I can only chalk it up to all the change.  You may not know this about me, but I am not a real fan of change. I don’t know why I am so bad with change, but I am.  I guess it could be because I like order.  I like sameness.  I like knowing what comes next. I do not like chaos. I do not like guesswork and I especially do not like the unknown.  

There are many things I am good at: spelling, baking bread and purging closets.  Spelling because my mom made me look up words in the dictionary, baking bread because Bill said once that if he was a stay-at-home-mom he would be baking our bread (Challenge issued!  Challenge accepted!) and purging closets because I moved 13 times in my adult life and it got easier to toss things rather than box them up again.  Unfortunately, there are many things I am also quite bad at: math, pronunciation and change.  Math because it did not come easy to me, therefore I hated it.  (and I may have spent most of high school math writing notes to my BFF Amy).  I missed two weeks of school in second grade getting my tonsils out and I am convinced that is when they taught proper pronunciation and why I can spell a word and tell you what it means, but butcher it when speaking.   And as for change?  Change is icky.  Change is scary.  Change makes you do things you don't want to do.

However, if I am going to live this year thinking I am so damn blessed, than I am going to have to learn to deal with change in a better way.  I cannot ostrich my head away or shut down when faced with change.  I also cannot be a whirlwind getting everything done and then hiding from all the newness.  I should probably not over-caffeinate and engage in theological and political debates with students in a sad attempt to not have to deal with the newness around me.  (again my coworker got to say "It was a real shit-show!").  I find that sarcasm is a good way for me to deflect those icky change feelings, so I will continue to use that.  When sarcasm loses it shine, I may move onto snark.  Hey, thinking about this, this is not any different than what I do day to day, so maybe it won't be so hard!

 Feeling empowered by these thoughts, I tried taking a new way home this week and guess what?  Cut twenty minutes off of my drive time!  Look at me saving fossil fuels and my sanity all because I tried something new.  I made a change!  I cannot guarantee that I will be positive and sunshiny about change, but I can say I will try not to run from it.  I will also try to meet it like an adult and try to not panic when changes are imminent. I will try.  However, right now it is all about order and sameness because it is Friday night and Friday night is pizza night and really, a woman can only change so much in a week.  

  

My New Year's Intention

I have apparently reached an age where copious sobbing while reading books and watching TV commercials is normal.  I am not sure if it is a lack of hormone or an overabundance of the batshitcrazy hormone, but I find it happening more and more.  It makes me think of my Aunt Pat and what an unabashed TV weeper she was.  We would often stop over and find her watching reruns of Little House on the Prairie with tears streaming down her face.  As a kid I thought she was nuts, but as an adult I find myself growing misty at the thought of the Ingalls family and wish she and I could sit side by side weeping and watching.

The Apple commercial this Christmas that showed what looked like a disengaged teen on his phone during a family get together?  Apple about killed me when it showed that the kid had been filming a family movie the entire time.  Hot tears and boo hoo on that one.   Yesterday's news segment which showed women of all ages and races being courageous and brave was resonating with my inner Rosie the Riveter and I was feeling courageous and brave.   But then at the end, when they showed the woman about to have some terrible surgery dancing in the operating room and encouraging the staff to dance as well, there I was crying again.  Instant ugly cry.  Hot tears, sniffing, and all I could think, all I could say was "I am so damn blessed."

I am so damn blessed.  Aren't we all, really, in our own way?  We have had years when even though I knew we were blessed, I forgot it.  I ignored it.  I harrumphed when I was reminded of it.  I was too caught up in clinging to the life raft among the shit storm of our life that I didn't have any energy to give thanks.  (Actually it wasn't even a life raft, it was more the door from the Titanic and all five of us were huddled aboard) 

2010 for sure.

 Don't we all forget how blessed we are every day?  I know that I do.  Therefore, my new year's intention for 2014 is to remember, every day, that I am so damn blessed.  

This is so beautiful in its sentiment but I have no idea how I am going to carry that out every day. I am afraid it will be like when they hand you your baby for the first time and you see him/her and think "I am so damn blessed" but that turns into "I am so damn tired" within three or four days.    I am already thinking about Screaming Tuesdays and how hard it will be to feel blessed and not harried, hurried and mean.  I work late on Tuesdays and by the time I pick up the boy and get home, I have spent 1.25 hours in the car and we have exactly 12 minutes to eat until he needs to be at piano lessons.  I come through the door like a nightmare and am yelling at him to eat, the girls to do something, pick up something, the dogs to go away. I then get to piano and listen to him play beautiful music and reflect on my yelling and feel like a terrible person.  Should I focus on what is getting done rather than how it gets done?  Would that give me that "I'm so damn blessed" feeling rather than "I am so damn busy" neuroses?  Maybe.

I don't know how to do this, but I want to do it.  I want to walk around with my glass half-full and not worry that it is only half full and not all the way full.  I want to be so grateful for my health, my husband, my kids that I give thanks for all of them, every day and not just when commercials make me cry.  I want to encourage other people to feel the same way and if they are in the shit storm years of their life, well, I want to tell them to just hold on and be grateful later.  

So that's it.  I am not promising to lose weight, eat less, exercise more, swear less or be a better person.  I am not saying I will stop complaining or play board games instead of letting the kids watch TV.  I don't swear to make this the best year ever.  All I am going to do is to remember that I am so damn blessed.  And I am going to wear it like a pair of comfy pants and let the whole world see.