Suit Up

We have had a lovely spring here in Texas.  There are years when it goes right from pretend winter to summer, but this year we have had mild temperatures, some rain and everything is fresh and blooming. Verdant even.  Slowly the days are creeping up to the high 80's and even 90's and I know that it is coming.  The heat..., the ever present sun...., the wearing of bathing suits.  Ugh.  I make it my mission each year to pack away my bathing suit on Labor Day and not break it out again until Memorial Day.  I know that there are people who like to swim year round (sickos) or even for as long as the weather will allow (weird) but I am not one.  We do a lot of swimming here in the summer and by August, even the kids are tired of swimming and I am tired of pretending I look good and am comfortable in my bathing suit.  Oh I had some years where I rocked the beach attire (ages 16-18 and 25-28), but right now I am a mom who does her best to be healthy and buys her suits based on functionality and price. 

There is a vulnerability about wearing a bathing suit for months and I blame the whole purchasing of a bathing suit on why I also find it soul sucking.  First, don't order one from a magazine.  You are not 20.  You are also probably not 6'1" and weigh 120 pounds and you will not be airbrushed into perfection along with your new suit.  There is no doubt you will be disappointed when your suit comes and you put it on, only to see you and not the nubile young coed from the magazine.  Second, trying a bathing suit on in a store is demoralizing.  Have you ever looked worse than you do standing under all those fluorescent lights in your underwear with your pale and pasty winter white skin illuminated and reflecting back to you?  And not just the front view.  You are looking at yourself from every angle imaginable.  I don't own a full length mirror for this very reason.  I put things on and assume they look fine until a glimpse in someone's mirror or reflective window tells me otherwise.  I don't want to see what is behind me...that is why it is behind me! 

I am not alone!

The steps to actually trying on a bathing suit just strip away your self-esteem step by step. Bathing suit sizing makes no sense and no matter what size you normally wear, you will need something 4 sizes bigger.  You will struggle into the suit and step back to look and wonder if it is your underwear under the suit making your hips look bulgy and misshapen so you will pull the sides up, down, back all the while wondering how long it has been since you shaved.  You will then put on the top or adjust the top and see if your children will be horrified when faced with your breasts and the way they have been pushed, pulled and squeezed into the top.  You jump around to see how much more is exposed and bend at the waist to see if you can keep your dignity if you should drop something or have to pick someone up.  No, you cannot.  Finally you give up, pick the color you like the best or the cheapest one and head to the check out.  I do advise you to do this before you absolutely need to.  I once waited until June and ended up at Kohl's at 7:45 in the morning because I had to have a suit THAT day and ended up looking like a mad cow all summer.  Seriously, a black and white splotched tankini was the best I could do.  A look around this morning confirmed that I destroyed any and all evidence of that in pictures.

Luckily I did get a cute suit last year that will work again.  I will wear that until the bottom pills completely or the sides split.  And I also have my one piece red suit that Bill picked out a few years ago and fulfills some Baywatch fantasy of his I never knew about.  Really all I need is a cover up that doesn't make me sweat and I will be ready, if not willing, to enter bathing suit season.  We are headed to the pool tomorrow; I have been bribed into it two weeks early with the lure of wine and chitchat. 

I tell Bill all the time that when I hit 60 or 65, I am going round.  At 5'3", my body wants to be round and by that time in my life, I am going to stop fighting it.  I am going to eat ice cream every night if I want and I will be able to have Doritos in the house again.  I am going to order my "housedresses" from the back of magazines and coupons in the Sunday paper and they will snap and zip and have nary a piece of elastic, or hint of a waist, anywhere near them.  And come bathing suit time, well, I am just going to put my feet in the pool and smile.