We Hold These Truths

I seriously had the outline for my “HOLY SHIT THERE IS A WOMAN IN THE OVAL OFFICE!!” blog formed in my head.  I watched the posts from the secret Facebook group and I liked, I loved, I sniffled at the beauty this country holds.  I looked at the pictures of long lines waiting to bestow homage at the grave of Susan B. Anthony and I openly cried.  I never, not once, thought that I would wake up to this world today.

But I have indeed woken up in this world.  I sat in disbelief, drinking coffee in the dark and crying, “The World Turned Upside Down” playing in my head.  How is this possible?  How can this be?  What even is this?

I dressed for work like I was dressing for a funeral.  I made lunches and put extra sweets in them because we need them today.  And when my daughter came down and asked who won, I broke her heart.  She burst into immediate, angry tears and asked “What the fuck?” with the same anger and disillusionment I had only recently tamped down in myself.  WTF indeed.

The ride to school was dark due to the rain and due to our thoughts and our hearts.  I told her that there are checks and balances; we elected a President, not a dictator.  I told her to watch the election for the House in two years; watch what rhetoric and mishandling would bring.  I told her it is okay to be angry, to be sad, and to feel adrift.  And then I watched kids shuffle into my first period class and I knew a good majority of them felt the same way she did.  How do you teach to this?  How do you say “yes, this sucks but let’s pick up where we left off on Chapter 3?”  What even is this?

So we journaled.  They wrote fast and furiously and the room was quiet.  And then some shared what they had written, and these kids are scared.  My black, brown, LGBTQ kids are scared and I get it.  I am forty-three years old and I am scared.  And they are angry.  When a Trump supporter shared his views, another kid walked up to him and I felt we were seconds away from a fist fight.  What I realized was that this tension is not just in my classroom; it is all of America.  America is scared and angry and volatile.  What do we do with that?

We react.  We walk between two arguing people and tell them they are both worth listening to.  We redirect and we listen.  We share.  We tell other kids the same things we tell our own kids.  We label what they are feeling as disillusionment, disenchantment and just plain old anger.  And we tell them that it is okay.  We ask the winners to be gracious, to feel good for themselves about the outcome but to remember their glee might be affronting to others.  We put our hand on someone else’s hand that is clenched and say “I know.  I understand.”  We recognize the good and bad that is America and we say we don’t always win.   Good doesn’t always win.  You don’t always get a goddamn medal or ribbon or certificate. Sometimes you get an empty hand and an angry heart. 

I asked some young men in my class if they thought the reason HRC didn’t win was simply because she was a woman and they all said yes.  I was so enamored with a woman being on the ballot I forgot there were people in this world, this country, this America, who think there shouldn’t be.  I saw the respect given to the women who fought our fights and won our wars and forgot those who stood, and stand, in their way.  I was reticent in thinking that all the work has been done, but I remember now how much more there is.

Thank you.

I am no shape to get that work done today or this week or maybe even this month.  I am going to mourn what was lost, what was not and what actually is.  And while I am doing that, I am going to remember that while we didn’t do it this time, we can do it.  And I am going to stand with her – whoever the her will be because I need to support women in this world and they need to support me.  I will listen to people who want to talk about how we make change, especially kids because they are going to be the ones with enough energy and enthusiasm to make these final changes.  Above all, I will remind myself, my kids, and my kids at school to be kind to one another, to respect one another and maybe that is where we can start making a real change.