Things That Make Me Go UGH

Things have made me angry this week.  Bill did comment that the women in the house were a bit hormonal lately.  I know: he is a brave or silly man.  One dead-eye-top-lip-sneer from SG was enough to stop his commentary though. I wish you could have seen that look.  She didn’t even have to say a word; her face perfectly read “who are you to tell me what is happening in my body?!”   I am not sure if I have ever been more proud. 

Anyway, lots of little things made me angry but there were three that stand out in particular as fueling the raging fire.  First up was the fact that I pulled in my driveway and saw that the Yellow Pages had been delivered to my door.  Why does this still happen?  This annoys me to no end because I am not going to use it, I am not sure it is actually recyclable and my hands are already full coming through the door.  I tried to opt out of it being sent but you have to register to opt out and there is no way I am giving them my name and email address.  I just picture emails about Yellow Pages and its nifty features every ten minutes.   Surely these people have heard of the internet and google, right?  I bet that even the people who work for Yellow Pages don’t use the Yellow Pages.  Who does that leave, old people?  If old people are actually still using Yellow Pages then they should be stacked up by the doors of places that old people shop: Walgreen’s, Radio Shack and True Value Hardware.  Stop harassing the rest of 

us.

Stop the insanity!

Next on the list: door-to-door salespeople.  I know that there was once a time when door-to-door salespeople were a necessity.  However, I also know this was before cars, mail-order or, again, the internet.  There is absolutely nothing they are selling that I can’t get at Target, HEB or Amazon.  I don’t like to open the doors to strangers and I especially don’t like to open it up for pushy strangers trying to sell magazine subscriptions.  Actually, I have let all my magazine subscriptions run out because I got tired of the monthly notices letting me know that my account would expire in four years and eleven months, four years and ten months, etc.  Plus, you are a STRANGER at my door, why on earth would I give you my credit card information? 

My final grievance for the week is Nextdoor Neighbor.  This is an online thing you sign up for with the other members of your neighborhood because we are all too terribly busy to actually get to know our neighbors.  Ideally, it is supposed to be a messenger board with information about the neighborhood: things going on, items for sale, dogs that are missing, etc.  What is actually is a public bitch fest for neighbors to talk about their neighbors without calling them out by name.  Messages come across like “I noticed that there is a car on blocks close to the school.  Does anyone know if our HOA has regulations against that?”  You know, and the author knows, that there are, they just want the chance to let their neighbor know, without actually letting them know, that they have had it with their white trash ways and are one step away from actually telling on them.  I was also shocked because people would post their address and the dates they would be out of town and ask if anyone knew a plant sitter? I am no plant sitter, but I felt like breaking into their homes and moving things around to show them how stupid they were being.  I could unsubscribe to it but every now and then, amidst the banal, the whining and the plain dumb, there come some gems and I would hate to miss out on the gems.  The first gem was when they posted the Christmas Light Map.  Yes, a map of the houses in the neighborhood that planned on lighting their homes for Christmas.  God forbid, you just amble around and see which houses were lit, we must have a map!  Next up, the woman who actually used all three of her neighbor’s names to call her out for running in the street when it was dark and making her swerve her car to avoid hitting her.  Something like “MARY KATHERINE SOANDSO, I know it was you this morning on THIS STREET- wear some reflective clothing and run on the sidewalk”.  I laughed until I cried about that one.  However, my favorite one by far was the one where this woman commented that she had seen a large snake and was letting us know about it.  We get a lot of these but this one stuck out because she titled it “big ass snake”.  I am not sure why this woman and I are not drinking beer in my driveway every Friday; she sounds like my type of person.

I keep giggling thinking about “big ass snake” greeting hundreds of people in their inbox and this makes me feel less angry.  Which is good because I don’t enjoy being angry; it takes a lot of work and makes me feel sweaty inside.  Plus, given the look on SG’s face, I am up against some stiff competition and I think she can take me.  

Mind Over Fatter

Initially, I thought I might write about waiting.  This week I was kept waiting 25 minutes after my appointment time at the doctor’s office before being called back. I had fasted in order to give blood  and I had not had a good cup of coffee or breakfast. I had grown hangry (hungry + angry) and it was about to get ugly.  (Please know I have ruined date nights, family outings and vacations with my hanger.)  But then they called me back.  And then they kept me waiting in a little room with no windows, no clock and no access to the outside world and in a hospital gown that kept me from opening the door to see what the hold-up was.  (Hangry will always win against common sense, a good upbringing and manners).  It made me think about how much waiting I was doing, all the traffic I waited through to get there, wait, wait, wait was on my mind.  And you know if it is on my mind, it invariably becomes my words.

However, the fasting was to give blood to have everything in my blood tested and my test results now have me thinking of other things.  I am apparently Vitamin D deficient.  What?!?  Is that a thing?  It is and it is a very popular thing lately, so look at me being trendy.  Google search assured me I will get rickets.  However, the real downer of the blood work was my high cholesterol and the fact that I am of an age where I have to do something about it.  Ew.  I like to take as little medication, especially daily medication, as possible so I am not rushing to swallow a Lipitor every day.  This leads me to making dietary changes to lower it.  I hate the word diet, so I have decided to spend the next thirty days trying out mindful eating and exercising to see if that won’t lower it.

Not at alarming levels, but still alarming.

 

I like to eat, but I am not sure I like to mindfully eat.  I don’t even menu plan for the week even though it makes life easier, lends itself to less waste, and brings down the grocery budget. I really just like to eat.  But, I would also really like to lower my cholesterol so I started thinking about things I should cut out of my normal eating.   I don’t eat a lot of meat, so I can’t get away with saying “I will cut down on my meat and fix this!”  What else could I rid my diet of?  Cheese, beautiful cheese, how can I forsake thee?  Fat-free cheese instead?  Ugh.  Why not say soy cheese or nut cheese and really make me cry?  Chocolate?  Oh God, please don’t let chocolate be high in cholesterol!  Whew, it is not.  One ounce a day is perfect.  I am not sure how big an ounce is, but I am pretty sure it is a handful of chocolate chips three times a day or six pieces of random office candy. 

Because I enjoy eating the way I do, I found myself growing sad at the thought of not eating things I like.  So what if instead, I just stopped to consider if what I was putting in my mouth was good for me?  Is an oat bar in the morning really the best start to my day?  Could I do better eating steel cut oats and fruit?  I guess I could.  Do I need to eat two pieces plus a little bit more, little bit more, alright three pieces of pizza on pizza night?  Or could I eat one big piece and load up with veggies, holding the ranch?  I have yet to try this, but maybe.  I started to see how by asking myself “should I?” rather than “NO!”, and by being mindful rather than restrictive, that this might work.

Day One of Mindful Eating/Lower the Cholesterol or MELC will begin on Monday and I will report back on my results at the end of Day Thirty.  Why not start today?  HAHAHA.  Hello, it is a Friday!  It has been a long week and I am in no position to be mindful.  Plus I ate queso at breakfast.  This was not a mindful choice, but it was a very, very tasty one.  

Words, Words, Words

I have been a virtual tsunami of words lately.  I find I have a lot to say and stories to retell and so many things that I must share right this minute.  I have had things happen at work that I must retell or saw things on my Facebook feed that bear repeating and so I repeat.  I am also trying to figure out my future now that I passed my test and can teach.  We know how I feel about change, even a good change, so I am obviously masking my apprehension in an abundance of words.

A rare shot at the inside of my brain,

Poor Bill.  He is the captive audience for my words.  The other night I came home and talked at him until he went completely mute and dead eyed.  It didn't stop me.  I had more things to tell.  He even mentioned that he was talked out, so I prefaced the next ten things I had to say with "Just one more thing..." This is kind of ironic because I have a kid at work who talks and talks and talks at me until I am exhausted.   I have tried to convey to him that when the other person in the conversation stops making eye contact and answers in monosyllabic grunts that it is probably time to wrap up the chit chat.  (this is a little part of my job I like to call "Life Lessons with Mrs. McMahon)  However, what did I do when Bill shut me down like this?  I continued to unleash my tsunami of words upon him.  I drown the man in my words until he completely stopped trying to tread water and let them crash over and drown him.  He went to the gym to escape me, but that was okay.  I got a good night's rest and had plenty of meaningful words to share with him over coffee the next morning.  

One of the neat features of blogger is that you can see how many people read your blogs, how they access your blog and where in the world they are reading it from.  I am very popular in the Ukraine.  And by popular I mean that at least ten people a month in the Ukraine find themselves on my little blog.  Bill suggested this morning that maybe I should share my words with my friends in the Ukraine; they might be more receptive.  This may have hurt a less-worded person, but I saw the brilliance in it and not the dig.

I have always gotten in trouble for my excessive use of words.  "Too talkative in class", "Disruptive in class", "Won't shut up during class", etc.  As an adult, I received a coach and counseling for purple fonting and CAPITALIZING my words in emails.  I just can't help it.  I think in words, the words I hear people say show up as printed and sometimes BOLD-faced across my brain like the stock market ticker.  I think this may be why I am struggling with finding good books to read lately.  My brain is so full of words I have no room for other people's words.  Bill says maybe this means I should write a book.  I am not sure he means that, I think he is looking for a landfill for me to dump my words into instead of his ears.  

I really do understand how he feels.  Our kids can both talk the ears off of a duck.  They are not looking to make conversation, they are looking to talk.  I am listening to the boy explain how to play Yu-Gi-Oh to my mother and thanking God she is here to absorb these words instead of me.  I understand trying to deflect and dodge the onslaught of words but even knowing his pain, I just can't stop.

Lucky for everyone my mom is here for the week.  I get my love of words from her.  She loves words and talking and books and reading and has been locked up in a Buffalo winter with my dad who can be a selective mute.  She is ready for my words.  She will listen to all of my words and add her own words and she will deflect the Yu-Gi-Oh words from the boy and the woes of middle school life from SG and our house will just be awash in words.  Words in the morning and at night and if we run out of words we will play Scrabble and make words!  Words will be stretched out on the floor like rugs and hang from the ceiling and drip from each faucet.  They will be waiting when you turn a corner or wake up from a nap and they will bounce off the dogs and people and surround us like long-lost friends.  Forget Disney!  My word-filled house will be the happiest place on earth!  

I imagine that Bill might have to work late or go to the gym each night while the words swirl like tornadoes throughout the house.  That's okay because after a word-filled week with Mom, my own words might be used up for awhile. I know that is the hope that keeps him going.  Personally, I know that my words will never be all used up but I don't want to dash his hopes.  I will just talk that hope out of him one word at a time.