Proposition Common Sense

It is not even 8am and I am disgusted with America.  So disgusted I have decided to run for something: councilwoman, mayor, Dictator for Life.  We need something to make a change, something to bring about action and something to get America’s collective head out of its ___.  (No swearing got to maintain my image.)  I am going to run on a platform of common sense.  In fact, my slogan may just be "A Vote for McMahon is a Vote for Common Sense!”  My first Proposition will be entitled Proposition Common Sense.  Can’t really argue against common sense, can you?

There are many items covered under Proposition Common Sense so let’s break it down.

First act under Proposition Common Sense:  the eradication of illegal left-hand- turn drivers on 620.  I realize this may not affect everyone in Austin, but don’t worry, the success of it on 620 will see it copied to streets near you.  There are a row of fast food places on the left side of 620 that have people making illegal left hand turns despite the NO LEFT TURN signs posted every ten feet.  

The red slash indicates NO.

This clogs up the left hand turn lane for people making legal left turns at the light and annoys me.  Therefore, people making illegal left hand turns will have their tires shot out by a well-positioned sniper and their cars impounded.  They will not receive their cars back until they complete community service hours in the following areas: nutrition, time-management and safe driving.  This is a great idea because it will boost employment as we need snipers stationed round the clock.  You are welcome.

Next will be the parents who do not understand the basic principle of a school drop-off lane.  You DROP OFF.  You do not put the car in park, you do not exit your vehicle, and you do not open your child’s door or your trunk at any point.  You do not hand your child his backpack while standing in the middle of the lane nor brush his hair or finish his homework for him before he goes in.  Again, you DROP OFF.  Also, you do not sit in the lane and watch that your child successfully walks the ten feet from your car into the school.  I know, I too have a child who could get lost in those ten feet, I understand your worry.  However, your child will go to college someday, start preparing now and start by letting him walk those ten feet without your eagle eyes trained on him.  Parents who insist on either infraction above will also have their cars impounded.  They will receive them back once they complete community service in the area of helping others.

Also considered under Proposition Common Sense, people who still don’t know how to order a drink at Starbucks.  You know, the ones that stare at the menu with a pained look as forty-five people queue in behind them?  Look, I know the drinks are written in made-up Italian, but it is not hieroglyphics, you can do it.  And if you can’t, get out of line.  Come back at 10am when someone has time to hold your hand and explain the differences between a grande and a venti.  Right now you have raised the blood pressure of the forty-five people behind you and given the poor girl behind the counter a bladder infection because she can’t go on break until you order.  Offenders of the Starbucks portion of Proposition Common Sense will be sentenced to serve their community hours in a literacy program.

I was going to include coworkers who don’t hold the door even though they see you coming, however this morning, instead of offering me a “hey I see you but I am not waiting” half-smile, my coworker  commented that it was an awkward wait for me, but still held the door.  Good work sir, you can be my campaign manager. 

All these positive changes coming from just the things that annoyed me this morning!  Imagine if I really listened to the news or got involved in my community! There would be no stopping the things I could add to Proposition Common Sense.  Are you with me Austin?  How about it America?  We fought hard for our right to vote, so use it wisely and vote for Common Sense.  (Again, how could you say you voted against Common Sense and look like an intelligent adult?)  I’ve covered all the angles!  It’s what you do when you are in power and once more, you are welcome.