And I Will Drive 1,547 Miles and Bill Will Drive 2,134 More

I was trying to be quippy coming up with this title and I think the quip is on me.  I knew I was planning a long road trip.  I knew that those states we click through and those places we visit will be far apart from each other, but 1,547 miles as the only driver plus an additional 2,134 miles to get into Canada and then all the way back home has me gasping for air.  GASP.  I doubt I have ever tried to figure out how many miles it is when we drive and I will never do it again. 

Just keep driving, just keep driving.

We always drive.  Having five people to get from Point A to Point B is expensive and a road trip is generally the most economical choice.  We have driven back and forth from Texas to Buffalo so many times I don't remember the last time we even used a map.  The craziest part?  We usually drive straight through.  Twenty four hours door to door and the McMahons stop for food and bathrooms but never to stay the night.  We have had luxurious trips in vans and in a Durango.  We once drove with three small kids and two car seats in a Saab.  That was not a bad trip.  The Saab is a piece of good Swedish engineering and my packing for that trip was a piece of good German upbringing: organized, functional and rotated at each stop. Our worst road trip ever, EVER, was in the Jeep Wrangler.  Three kids, Bill and I and one dog shook our way from Texas to NY and back. SG and I both had panic attacks at separate times from being shaken across state lines and Bill had to scare off a menacing man at a gas station in Nowhere, TN at two a.m. with a lighter and the nozzle from a gas pump.  "Step away or I'll light it" is not something you should ever wake up to.

Our kids are road trip warriors.  We have even made this trip more than once with no video.  NO video! (I am no purist; usually it was because of technology problems.)  They survived.  They looked out the window and enjoyed the interstate/were bored to death.  I will admit that we have an entire bag devoted to technology this trip.  They are bigger and whine louder now.  They know that everyone attempts to use the bathroom at each stop whether they think that have to go or not.  Mandatory bathroom usage at each stop is a given.  They know we are weak on road trips and buy all kinds of garbage that they never eat at home.  Pop-Tarts and Swedish Fish anyone?

Bill and I are pros at this as well.  We know that all the good snacks will be eaten before we even get out of Texas.  In fact, one of them will be rummaging in the snack bag before we even back out of the driveway.  We know that at least one child will lose a shoe under the carnage of road trip entertainment at every stop.  I believe that there is a wanted poster of me at a Cracker Barrel outside Memphis for giving up and taking a shoe-less baby W in on a rainy night.  Every woman in that place yelled at me.  You try and find a teeny tiny shoe under hours of discarded toys and food wrappers.  We know that for children doing nothing but sitting for hours, their feet will smell up the entire car.  We know where to stop and not stop, we know Bill will drive all but an hour or so and I know he is fake sleeping for that hour just so I let him drive again.

This year we are changing it up a little and I am nervous/excited.  SG, the boy and I are heading out a week early and making a circuitous trip north.  First Tulsa to visit a friend and then onto Mansfield, MO to see the LAURA INGALLS WILDER MUSEUM!!!!! I would talk about how excited I am about that, but I can't as it would fill a whole blog itself.  After MO, we are back on the road to get to Gurnee, IL to see my sister.  A few days with her and then we are headed to Buffalo.  Bill and Maizy will fly up and meet us there and then all five of us head to Canada.  Whew!  Crazy right? Yes.  Total insanity that I can't wait to begin!

Oh, did I mention the bulk of this trip will be done in a Prius?  Why?  Well because that is what we own and if it costs me $100 to put gas in between here and Buffalo, that will be a lot.  Yes, it is a small car.  

No, it does not come with clowns.

Yes, its pick-up is lackluster.  Yes, I often think that others view the color of our car as invisible instead of black.  Really, it is not a McMahon road trip if we all don't suffer just a little and what better way to suffer than a tiny car and not-so-tiny kids?  Our kids have it easy: they don't have to walk to school, they don't have to adjust rabbit ears to watch TV, they don't know what a busy signal is and they won't even know the excruciating pain of waiting for their sibling to get off the phone because they are waiting for a call. We are helping them build character with these trips.  Either that or we are ensuring they make good career choices and can fly anywhere they want when they are the grownups.  Win - win, right?