The first person I remember turning Forty is my dad. My mom rented a big light up sign that said "Happy Birthday Pete, U old fart". I remember it vividly because our entire front yard was lit up, I was allowed to stay up until my dad got home to see it and because my proper spelling mother substituted "U" for "you". Right there I learned that Forty was special: it was to be acknowledged loudly, proper spelling and grammar were to be thrown to the wind and you should immediately mock anyone turning Forty. Valuable life lessons that were a million years away from applying to me, until now.
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| Me at the time of the "U Old Fart" sign |
I have a friend who just turned Forty and being a go-getter, set goals to do something new each month of her 39th year. She tried new things, went new places, even went back to work as one of her new things. I admired her but knew better than to try and set something up like that myself. I like to take the ostrich approach to change and bury my head in the sand until the last possible moment and then let the adrenaline and crisis coping skills take over. I will admit that Forty is not one to be shunned and it kept showing up in my random thoughts throughout the year. Ridiculous thoughts such as "did you see that baby....you'll never have a baby again....look how big your kids are..you'll never be seen as a young family again...if you went back to school now, you'd be twice as old as every one else in class....how can you have wrinkles and pimples at the same time....you should learn to knit." Forty clearly has some issues.
Looking for inspiration, I typed "forty is" into the search engine and the first thing I got back was "Forty is the old age of youth". Ouch. I also got "forty is fabulous". I don't like that one either. I don't use fabulous to describe people (other than drag queens), places or things so I find it annoying. "Forty is fearless." Please. I worried my way out of the womb and through the last 39 years, that will not be changing any time soon. Then there was this book title that was something about women turning Forty and coming into their fullness. Insert gag noise here. Or Forty is the new twenty. Is it? Who says? And why?
Uninspired by the results of my internet search, I was forced to finally confront Forty and this is what I have found. Forty is fit. I am in much better shape now that I was turning 30. No, it does not count that I was 5 months pregnant when I turned 30, I am still taking it as a win. Forty is family. We are in the thick of the crazy years with one kid in high school, one in middle and one in elementary. We are exhausted and stressed, but we have been blessed in abundance with these three. Forty is factual. I have been around, I know some things, I can share this knowledge, but I can still learn new things. I know that the kid at the grocery store is carding me for my beer purchase because he is new and scared and not because he thinks I am underage. Thirty year old me would have prided herself on her youthful appearance. And finally, Forty is feisty because I am feisty and that is how my tens, twenties and thirties have been, so why not? Forty will not be the old age of anything for me. Do not go gently into turning Forty!
That said, I do ask that you do not put up a lit sign in my yard for my birthday as my son will quote from it like he quotes commercials and forty will get old very fast. Or toilet paper my trees because my children will be so embarrassed when I take it down and bring it back in to use. Forty will be acknowledged, it will be honored and it will be feted, but it really is just a number and we all know I was never very good at math.
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