I Dreamed a Dream

I would like to say that I am not really stressed about my Social Studies content exam next week.  I have studied and prepared and taken the practice exams.  I have brushed the dust off of knowledge that I was happy to know still lived in the dark recesses of my brain.  I gave Bill the lowdown on the 13^th, 14^th and 15^th Amendments over morning coffee the other day and he looked interested and not beaten down at the end.  Unfortunately, while I would really like to say I am not stressed about this exam, my dreams say otherwise.

My go-to stress dream has been pretty much the same for the past fifteen years.  In the dream, I am leaving my ex-husband (what?!?  Yep.  Don’t get married at 21; that is all I have to say about that) and I only have x amount of time to pack up and move before he gets home.  Parts of the dream change: the apartment changes, the amount of time I have changes, sometimes I am alone, or I am not.  However, the bulk of the dream is usually the same: I find myself in an apartment I never actually lived in and don’t know where anything is, I can’t find boxes, the clock is ticking and I still have to give notice in the management office.  It is stressful work dissolving a marriage and this dream would wake me up with pounding heart and a sense of dread.  Now, so many years later, this dream leaves me feeling a little annoyed.  Like, this dream again?  Yes, yes, I know, find the boxes; pack the boxes, quick, get out, etc.  Yawn.

My subconscious has thrown me a bone and shifted the dream landscape a little. I started off having dreams where I had to organize a closet or area at work.  Ooh, happy dream, I would initially think because I love to organize and who doesn’t enjoy a good closet purge?  Except it is not my closet and I have never seen any of this stuff before.  Do I keep it?  Do I throw it out?  Does it go in the donate bin?  I. DON’T. KNOW.  Why do we have three games of Hungry, Hungry Hippos but no marbles?  WHERE ARE THE MARBLES??  I woke up from the Hungry, Hungry Hippo game very disoriented, a little sweaty and somewhat sad.  Where are the marbles? 

This looks a lot like me except for the earrings.

Last night’s dream was the worst: family trip to a Disneyesque water park and by family trip, the entire family: all of my siblings, their kids, my kids, my parents staying in the same townhouse.  I might be able to handle the family staying together, but Disney?  Disneyesque water park?  Never in a million years! The absolute worst part of the dream was that no one would make plans for anything.  They wanted to be spontaneous.  NOOOOOOOO I screamed in my dream.  I hate spontaneity.  Well, not really, but I do like a well-made plan.  I had full on heart palpitations and palm sweats from this one.

So, I will concede and admit that I am a little nervous about this test.  It is a lot of information to remember: World History, US History, Texas History, Economics, Psychology, and Government.  Shooooo-eeee!  Of course I shot my mouth off and everyone knows when I am taking this test and what if I don’t pass?  ACK!  WHAT IF I DON’T PASS?!?! Or, what if I don’t do really well?  Why on earth am I developing test anxiety at this stage of my life?  I am sure it will be fine. I will pass or if I don’t, I can study harder and take it again.  So I am a little nervous but I also have a plan.  My plan from now until next week is to study a little more, take deep breaths and drink a lot of wine.  This way when I wake up sweaty at night, it will be from the wine and not my neuroses.