Our House

 Back in April, my person and I bought a house!  It is a 97 year-old bungalow beauty in a gem of a neighborhood and I can't believe I haven't written about it yet.  Well, I can.  We have been busy since we moved in and just now, there is a sweet settling into summer that gives me time to water flowers, read many books, and think of words.

Prior to buying this house, I believe I looked inside every single house posted on Zillow in the greater Chicagoland area.  This proved to be both daunting and depressing; we would never be able to afford a house, we could only afford a tiny house that needed too much work, we would have to live in our current apartment until we died.  Real estate can be real defeating. Until one day, this house popped up.  And I loved it.  And I sent it to my person who also loved it and we got a realtor and were inside it to look at it the next day.  My person said he took one look at my face as we walked through it and knew it was over; we would have to get this house. I think I was pretty stoic throughout the tour but then again, I have never been known for my poker face.  I do think I held off cooing until I saw the built-in closet with the laundry chute.  THE LAUNDRY CHUTE!!  I was immediately transported to the house of my childhood with a laundry chute.  That chute had a hard angle and towels were forever getting stuck in it.  We were lazy, yet ingenious, and would take whatever was close by and launch it down the chute to dislodge the stuck towels: bottles of shampoo, conditioner, heavy things to ensure success and concussion to anyone who happened to be at the other end of the chute at the time. The house was amazing, but that laundry chute sold me.

What really sold me.

I love this house. I love that the stairs creak and that the bedroom floor sort of slopes from one side to the next.  The ceilings also slope and while dangerous to my tall person, I fit under them easily. I love that there is a sunroom and in that sunroom, all of my plants grow and thrive because there is also a door that keeps all animals out. I love that in the fifties, someone redid the downstairs bathroom in an explosion of aqua and peach.  I also really love that the people who lived here before us loved this house and replaced the old windows, modernized the upstairs bathroom, and redid boring things like fuses and pipes.  I love the windows on every single side of this house. I love the light and sounds of birds that pour in.  After apartment living with just one window, this abundant light fills me with abundant joy.  

I love the basement!  How have I lived this long without a basement?  An entire area to house the washer and dryer, Costco excess, and the litter box. It is unfinished and that is fine.  We can still see the pipe where oil was delivered and the room that coal was shoveled into back when coal and oil were needed for heating.  And it doesn't feel scary or root-cellar-like or haunted.  Just a little damp and roomy.  Oh!  And attics!  We have three attic entrances and one little weird door in my person's small person's room.  I am determined some sort of treasure awaits in the larger attic.  We also have a very old garage that we are afraid to park in, but I still like it because someone took the time to build a cabinet in it.  My person says he hates the smell in it.  I will admit it smells a bit like dust and decay while I tell you what I tell him: it smells like history.

The yard is small and green and mostly weeds.  I love the weeds!  Dandelions, violets, and recently discovered, wild strawberries!  I don't think I could grow strawberries on my own and there they are, just wild and popping up all over.  In the back, we have tall weeds that flower and I am learning the names of: Dame Rockets, Creeping Bell Something, Daisy Flea Bane.  Lots of purple flowers on tall stalks and I refer to this area as our butterfly garden.  I am a real optimist in this house!

Butterfly Garden

The hardships of homeownership have already popped up and we had to replace the AC and furnace.  We also had a HUGE limb fall from the tree out front.  We somehow missed the fact that the dishwasher is super tiny and neither one of us would have picked out the blue countertops.  And the upstairs gets really, really warm.  Even with the new AC.  So, it's not perfect, this house.  It will bend and break and require us to fix and mend and spend.  But it is perfect because it is ours. Our house that we love to be in.  Our house that is finally enough room for all of the animals we own.  Our house, where William came to live with us too.  Where in the back hall for the first time, he smiled and said "Oh, it reminds me of Grammie's house". Our house, where we have a giant room in the front that needs furniture. Our house, with the side porch that definitely needs some paint and might sway a bit when you walk over it. Our house, where in the front yard, we feed four naughty squirrels, an adorable chipmunk, and all the boring birds of IL.  

We noticed on our many walks of the neighborhood that there are so many fairy houses under the trees.  I get it now because two months in, I realize this place is enchanted.  That huge branch that came crashing down missed my car by inches.  This is a place where neighbors come running out to meet you.  A place where children run back and forth to play.  A place you can hear church bells ring each hour.  A place, that after moving and moving and moving, is ours.  And this house that is filled with windows and light is also filled with laughter and love.  Enchanted.

Wild, tiny, baby strawberries? Enchantment.

Kick-Ass Warrior of Womanhood

 As it is May, and tomorrow is Mother's Day, I have been giving a lot of thought about mothers.  My own mother, myself as a mother, mothers in general. Tomorrow, many of us will gets cards that proclaim we are kind, nurturing, patient, loving, or supportive.  Nice words, nice cards.  Moms are generally all of those things.  But the words I think best describes moms is brave.

It is brave to grow another human inside your body.  Weird, weird things happen and you have to be brave to get up each day as your body changes and protests and grows.  There is bravery in being nauseous and functional, in stretch marks and varicose veins, swollen ankles, etc.  It is brave to eat the right foods and give up wine in order to grow this other human.  And it is really, really brave to take those disgusting prenatal vitamins.  

It is beyond brave to expel another human from your body in front of strangers who are all crouched down around your lower half and watching.  It is violent.  It is bloody. It is beautiful.  And it is so, so brave.  

It is brave to be handed a tiny newborn life to take care of while your own body is sore and beaten from the battle of birth.  It is humbling to hold this precious thing that you have grown and know you have never loved like this before.  It is then you realize that you will do absolutely anything and everything to make the world better for this tiny human.

It is absolute bravery to send this small person to school.  You pin your heart to your sleeve and pray the kids, the adults, the people at this school see how amazing your small person is.  You have to be brave to hear that someone made your child sad or doesn't like them.  You bravely tell them how amazing they are while your own heart aches and you don't cry until later.

As they get older, it is brave to say no, brave to say yes, brave to say "Let me think about it".  It takes battle-strength armor to face the anger of a sullen teen and it takes heroic levels of patience and fortitude to teach this same person to drive.  It takes all  you have to not lay down in the fetal position and sob when they walk the stage at graduation.  The day they leave for college or the world, your heart shatters into a million pieces while you smile and tell them they they have this, that they can do all things, that they are never mediocre.  You face life without them there every day and it is quiet and it is weird and it can be lonely and you face it, bravely.

It takes bravery to let your relationship with your child grow to where you learn things from them and are not the teacher.  It takes bravery to watch them date, and drive, and live apart.  It takes giant understanding and love to watch them live their lives without you at the center of it anymore.  All this while you work your job, love your partner, remain a good friend, maintain your home, take care of your own parents; exhausting and still so brave.

I think it takes supreme bravery to want children and not be able to have them and go out into the world full of children each day.  Brave to have had a child, and lost a child, and go out into that world of children.  Brave to be frustrated by babies and small children, or teens and adult children, but to still be there for them.  So while we are kind and loving and patient and nurturing and present, we are, I think, above all, brave.  And I hope just one of us gets a card that thanks us for being a kick-ass warrior of womanhood in someone's life.

No Time to be Sad

 When I was a child in the 80's, people didn't have sadness or depression.  Or at least not in the house I grew up in.  Sad?  What's there to be sad about?  So-and-so doesn't have an arm or a leg and they are still out there doing things.  It's funny now as I write this that I just do not recall a large number of amputees in my hometown, but apparently my parents knew tons of them.  I laugh-cried when I heard my mom, two days after losing her husband of 58 years, mutter to herself in the other room "C'mon, Mary, pull it together, it's not like you lost an arm or leg."

Pull it together. Move on. Look for the good. We don't live in a society that gives people adequate time to grieve.  Three days bereavement for most of us and then we are expected to go back to work, to life, to school, to our new normal.  I zombie-walked through that first week back to work.  I felt like a had a weighted blanket wrapped around me and every movement had to be thought out or took forever.  I was also very short-tempered.  Everything is annoying when you are sad and can't just wrap up in a real weighted blanket and just be sad.

We are all familiar with the many stages of grief, but I am not sure anyone really tells us how to move through the stages while also moving through life.  It is a lot.  I am relieved to say that the weighted-blanket heaviness has dissipated.  Now, it's more like I am a black and white TV with bunny ears in a world full of HDTV and color on full-volume.  Too loud!  Too colorful!  Too energetic!  My eyes! My eyes!

Me.

My siblings and I all agree that we have had very little time to just be sad about our dad because we are worried and concerned about our mom.  What is she going to do?  What are we going to do with her?  Can she live on her own?  All this while actually dealing with our mom who is convinced she has to move out in the next week (she does not), and is working through her own grief by "organizing things."  This is code-word in our family for throwing things out that are currently annoying us and this is not something someone with Alzheimer's needs to be doing on her own.  So there is all that too.  How do we give enough time to think about this while teaching, while running a kitchen, while running meetings and financials, while still just being sad about our dad?

My therapist (because I do believe in sadness, depression, and mostly serotonin-boosting meds) says that I am just supposed to be whatever it is I am feeling. I am trying, but I am feeling a lot of things. I am feeling grateful to my person who drove around two great lakes in the middle of winter to be with me and continues to be with me. I am feeling sad and scared and stressed for my mom. I am feeling guilty that my dad's last few months were probably so exhausting and hard.  I am feeling comforted by the outpouring of support for myself and my siblings and my mom.  I am feeling angry my parents didn't make better financial choices.  I am feeling busy having started grad school amidst all this.  I am feeling that I miss my sweet kids more than ever.  Boy, am I feeling.

We just feel all the things and keep moving through life, just like a million other grieving people do, but what a crap deal.  Remember the book The Red Tent? Where all the menstruating women and women with small children were put to the side, in the red tent, to do their woman things? Society needs a sad tent.  Where you sit and just be sad and talk about sad things without worrying you are talking too much about sad things.  Where you could alternately weep and laugh with others feeling the same way.  There would be time to sit and think and just be.  I picture this tent in mostly navy and greys and perhaps a section as a rage room for when the anger peaks.  And only when you have had time to sit and be sad and just be, only then do you leave the tent and carry a smaller, more manageable grief into the world with you.

Peter Arena

 Normally, when I write here, I write to share some thoughts or feelings or something that has happened.  I write in a way that is public and shared and in a way that is enjoy this, but also, look at my words.  Today, as I write, I am writing in a way to be public, but not for credit or accolades or likes.  I am writing because before I left Buffalo, my aunt and others asked me to please post my dad's eulogy here.  And I don't know if it is crass?  Or in bad taste?  

I am still not sure, but after a harrowing week, I do know that death is inconvenient.  My dad died the day before a major snow and ice storm hit the southern part of the US.  (the northern part just got subzero temps and more snow).  This made travel a nightmare for people who wanted to come but couldn't get out.  It made travel difficult for those who did find a way to come.  It was quick and air travel a fortune, so I post for those who wanted to be there but couldn't.

I have also come to realize that death is communal. You are never alone in your grief.  From the hospital room to the funeral home to the places stopped in between; grief is never just yours.  It is shared.  It is shown, and that helps. I have lived far from home a good portion of my life and I have missed many funerals and will miss more.  It is hard to be sad alone.  Perhaps this will make someone feel not as far away.

Writing my dad's eulogy was easy.  Giving it was terrible.  I, who always speak loudly, found myself unable to speak.  I briefly glanced up and look at my mother, smiling through her tears, my son and nephews who had delivered their Papa's casket through the church, and the people in the pews there to honor my dad, and I took a deep breath, and one more, and these are the words I had to say. And if you read them, I hope they give you a sense of community, of comfort, and one more smile about my dad.

I think that when you have a parent, you only see them as your mom or dad, and not always as the entire person that they are.  Over this past week, I’ve been reminded again and again that my dad, our dad, was so much more.  He was a husband of 58 years.  A brother. An uncle. A Papa. A friend. A coworker.  A proud veteran.  Peter Arena was so many things.

Our dad was a good man.  He was also selfish.  Opinionated.  Stubborn.  And like any true Sicilian, he could hold and nurture a grudge with true craftsmanship.  You knew if you got the quiet frown, you were in trouble.  If you got the quiet frown and the intricate hand twist?  Pack your bags; he wasn’t talking for weeks.

Our dad loved a good story.  He loved to tell them, to hear them, and to tell them again.  These stories were a solid 40% truth and 60% embellishment.  He also loved telling a joke.  He loved telling them so much he would be laughing too hard to do more than wheeze out the punchline.

When I look at our dad’s life, two words that come out to me again and again are service and love.

Dad served 4 years in the US Navy as a medic.  He spoke of that time as a great adventure. He was proud to serve and of his service.

He was part of the Lancaster Police Department for over 20 years.  Being a police officer and a detective defined him.  He loved it.  He loved the weird hours, the camaraderie, helping people in need, arresting bad guys, and endless cups of coffee in a world before Tim Horton’s.

He missed being a police man from the minute he retired and put that need into serving his town.  He ran for judge.  He became a very active member of the Lancaster Lions Club. He kept on serving.

The other word that defines our dad’s life is love.  Peter Arena loved and he loved hard.  He loved his wife, his kids, and his grandkids.  And if you’re associated with any of these people, he loved you too.  He loved his family, his friends, his community, and his country.

Peter presented a tough, grizzled exterior but everyone in this room and beyond knew that underneath that front was one of the most sensitive, faithful, loving men around.  He was no saint, but by God, he loved.

Our dad loved life. He loves the parties and holidays. He loved traditions.  He lived in the moment.  So much so that when we were younger, my mother referred to him as Peter Pan.  Sometimes, this was in a loving way as in “Peter, you charmer” and sometimes in a frustrated way of “Dammit, Peter”.

I hope that we remember the service and the love our dad gave to this world.  I hope we remember the good and the bad.  I hope that we remember the frail old man and the lithe, younger Pete who could find his sister across a crowded party and clear the dance floor with their polka.  And, I really hope that our dad remembers that it is the second star to the right and straight on til morning.

This Christmas

 This Christmas, we are traveling to Austin and I cannot wait! I cannot wait to see my kids and hug them so tight no one can breathe. I can’t wait to feel some warmer weather winding its way into my chilled bones.  I cannot wait to hear some Texas twang hit my ears and some stranger smile at me and say “Hello” simply because we are in Texas.  I cannot wait for some tacos to hit my tastebuds and belly and my queso-level hit an all-time high.  It is a short trip because Phoebe isn’t going and it’s crazy expensive and my person and I also need time over break to sit in our own house and simply be: be tired, be lazy, be content.

I do find that among this not being able to wait that I am also hit with some cold-hard facts I like to ignore from time to time.  Things like my kids are not kids.  They are grown adults.  They have jobs and their own people and while I know they are happy I am coming, they are also living their own busy lives.  Will recently got a new job and can’t ask for time off and I probably won’t even see him.  Sophie doesn’t know when she has off yet and has her own set of Christmas plans.  My person has a whole family of people excited to see him and we are also traveling with his small person who always has her own set of expectations.  It will be a real adventure!

Confronted with a reality that is not at all what I pictured, I find myself wishing to be haunted by a Ghost of Christmas Past.  We recently read “A Christmas Carol” with 7th grade Language Arts classes and if Scrooge got to see some good things, why can’t I?  I’m no miser!  (the fact that I don’t have enough money to see if I would be a miser does not count).  And as long as I am dreaming up this entire thing, I get to pick out my ghost and where they take me to haunt.  No embarrassing moments or remember when you were a jerk.  Please, I have anxiety. I do that all on my own, especially at about 3am.  

I would pick either the same Ghost as the one in “A Muppet’s Christmas Carol” or Wayne Brady.  The first because he’s just a giant, good-natured guy and I like his robe.  The second because he would sing intros to every scene we visit, just like he did in “Whose Line is it Anyway?”

Rebecca, here’s your first memory

We can see you there beneath the tree.

But much catchier and more about me.  You know I pick a song intro over a good robe any day, so Wayne Brady it is.

Our first visit will be to me at age 10 at my grandparent’s house for Christmas Eve.  I am ten, just a kid, not even a whiff of puberty, and all I care about is cookies and presents and me. We have eaten dinner and we have washed so many dishes that every ounce of counter space and table top are covered with mostly-clean dishes and every single kitchen towel is used and wet and retired.  The entire family is there; we are full, we are loud, we are anxiously awaiting the signal from Grampa that we can open gifts: the scratchy sound of “Snoopy and the Red Baron” playing on the record player.  To be able to see that scene.  To be gathered in a room with people who are no longer here and hear their voice and listen to the laughter and love flowing out of that room.  Yes, please.

Next up, Christmas when my kids were small and the season was magical.  Santa is real.  Joy is real.  Wonder and merriment and have I mentioned joy? They are small, they don’t have jobs, they have me and whispered wishes to Santa.  They look at the tree and I watch the lights reflect in their eyes and once again find myself believing in all that is good in this world: hope and love and democracy and rights for women and things like that. This will be so good, I will demand Wayne Brady take me back once more.  If you are at this stage of your Christmases, SOAK IT UP!  Love those clamshell toy packages that never open and twist ties that anchor your child’s joy to the box.  It will be over so, so quickly.

Then, I want a visit with my mom.  It doesn’t even have to be Christmas.  Just a table and some coffee and my mom.  My mom before Alzheimer’s.  My mom who knew everything that was going on and happening and regaled me with which acquaintance had which new prognosis and fun facts about people I forgot about ten years ago.  My mom who talked about everything and not just the three things she feels confident talking about now.  We have a long way to go in this journey and it’s nowhere near as bad as it could get, but I still want more of my mom. 

Finally, because Wayne Brady is my Ghost and he will need a song and dance montage to feel good about my haunting, we will end with just flashes of me looking and being my very best.  Pepper in some pictures of people long past, maybe forgotten, he will end on a high note, musically,  and I will move forward in this life with the warmth of Christmases past in my heart and the knowledge of many wonderful Christmases yet to come.  Scrooge’s haunting made him change his ways; I just want a chance to appreciate the things that went by so quickly.  

Writing that makes me realize I need to appreciate this Christmas present, even if it isn’t living up to what I pictured in my head.  I will appreciate this trip with my person and his small person.  There will be joy among the madness.  I appreciate his family that is so willing to include me, and my kids, in their plans.  I will appreciate that warm, warm sun and seeing some green on trees.  I will appreciate whatever time I do get with my kids. And the next time Wayne Brady comes to show me Christmases past, I will tell him to take me to the one where queso flowed, the sun beamed brightly, and my person and I laughed and laughed about nothing and everything all at once.

The first bowl.
And if you are not reading that to the tune of "The First Noel", I am very disappointed.

Birds of a Feather

I occasionally like to think about how great it would be if I could just write for a living.  Given that it has been about three months since the last time I wrote, it is good that I have teaching and a consistent paycheck going for me. It has been busy here since school started and I am just now getting a chance to write.  Well, that and I had a falcon land on my arm.

Early this summer, I came to the realization that I was noticing and appreciating and wondering about birds.  I downloaded the Merlin app so that I can be obnoxious on a hike; it enables me stop on a trail, tell people to shush, and try to record which bird in singing.  Maybe it was the new terrain and different birds that live here, but I was pretty captivated by them and even told my person that I am "in my bird era."  According to social media, as a middle-aged person, I am subject to fall for birds, plants, or counting grams of protein.  I have done the protein thing before and the squirrels ate all my plants, so birds it is!

My person, being the avid listener and companion that he is, made note of my interest in birds and when a random falcon flying event crossed his Facebook feed, he knew I needed to fly a falcon. I had never thought of letting a large bird of prey land on my arm, but once he brought it up, I was sure I needed it.  I did absolutely no research into it and had the idea of half petting zoo, half me training a falcon to fly.  It was absolutely neither of those things.

Picture if you will, 30-40 people shivering under a pavilion on an early November morning for the sole purpose of flying a falcon.  Picture also, a very captive audience and a very learned falconeer who used this time to practice all of his jokes.  He told bad Irish-Catholic jokes, he told bad bird jokes, he told bad dating jokes; he told bad jokes.  And we shivered and smiled and waited to get our hands on birds.  But first, he had us go around the group and introduce ourselves.  Again, 30-40 people there.  It took exactly 32 minutes to do this.  I know because my person timed it and told me the minute we left.

I will say that as we went around the group and I listened to people say who they were, where they were from, and why they were there, I knew without a doubt, I was not really in my bird era at all.  Not like this.  Not like the guy with the wildlife camera like he was going out on Mutual of Omaha Wild Kingdom to film.  Not like the one teen there who could name all raptors by age three.  And definitely, definitely not like the woman who shrieked and almost wept anytime anyone said the word "owl".  She was having some very strong reactions to anything owl that seemed pretty indecent for such a large group setting, if you ask me.

I will say that we did learn a lot about birds of prey while we were there.  Once he started bringing birds out for us to look at (not pet), facts were flowing.  Did you know that chickens eat mice? I know this because half the people there keep chickens and told us.  Did you know that the Peregrine Falcon is the fastest animal on earth and not the cheetah? Over 220 mph that one.  It also likes to punch its prey which cracks me up every time I think of it.  All those talons and beak, and its winding up for a throat punch. Once bird show and tell was over, we moved, stiffly, from under the pavilion to get sized for bird-landing gloves.  He did this by having each person, only 20 this time, hold their hand up to his and he would tell the size and add a comment.

At this time, I looked around at the 20 of us with gloves on and curled my very cold toes in my sneakers and knew one thing for sure: I was beating out 15 other people to get into that first group of flyers.  And I did!  All group one for me!  We separated from the slow bird people and moved to a clearing to fly and catch our bird.  All it really required from me when it was my turn, was to hold my arm out.  The falcon guy took the falcon, threw it in the air, put some raw meat on my glove, and then whistled for the falcon.  Who came at me all sharp claws and pointy beak and really, really fast.  We got to do this twice and I will say, it was definitely pretty cool.  The falcon is much lighter than you would expect and it really loved those frozen mice parts it was flying in for.  

Once I had flown my bird, my person and I watched the video he took and laughed and commented how cool it was.  We then also looked at the seventeen people still waiting to fly and I very carefully laid my leather bird glove down on the table and we left quietly and quickly.  It was very cold and we knew all the fun had been had and we were both dying to comment on everything and everyone.  This meant leaving before the horned owl was brought out, but we knew Owl Lady would be more than we could politely endure.  

It was, as so many things with my person are, an adventure.  It was not exactly what we had thought it would be like; it was time we spent shivering in the woods while patiently enduring bad jokes, weird company, and less actual bird time than anticipated.  But it was also a car ride home filled with laughter and things we couldn't wait to tell each other.  Also, a bird of prey landed on my arm as a woman cried about owls, and that makes me want to write, so not only an adventure, but a real win!  I can't wait to see what crosses my person's Facebook feed next!

Northern Exposure

 My person has lived in a lot of different places: Texas, Washington, Alaska, Hawaii, Minnesota, and now, Illinois.  (I may be missing a state or two; he really adventured for awhile.) He has always talked almost reverently about Minnesota and I thought that was nice but didn't really get it.  I pictured Minnesota to be like Illinois; flat, prairie grassland but with a lot more lakes involved.  I was so very wrong and am so happy to tell you that since returning from Minnesota, I am also speaking reverently!

We drove through Wisconsin (green, green, farmland, repeat) and headed to the northeastern part of Minnesota.  Crossing into Minnesota itself was dramatic as you take a bridge over Lake Superior and think "my God, that is a lot of water.", because, my God, that is a lot of water! From there you enter the city of Duluth which is small and manageable and has tall hills and lake views from everywhere.  Traveling with my person's small person, we had to throw some nine year old entertainment in and we stopped at the Duluth Aquarium.  It was small, but fascinating as a mostly fresh-water aquarium.  We beat the rush, the small person was mostly happy, and we left along the North Shore to drive towards Grand Marais.

Our next stop was to be Betty's Pies right past Two Harbors, MN.  The small person's mom had filled all of our heads with the knowledge of decadent pie from this small diner that was directly on our path.  I am not a huge pie person, but I couldn't wait for this pie.  At one point, the small person was having some sort of episode in the back seat which led my person to threaten not stopping for pie.  I took a deep breath and whispered "Please, don't take pie from me."  Because he loves me and because he didn't want to push his luck, we stopped for pie. The place was PACKED with all sorts of people who had to have pie.  We waited 20 minutes for pie.  Was it worth it?  OMG!  Yes!  It was the best piece of pie I have ever had and if I lived close by, I would eat pie there every single week until I died fat and happy.

French Silk Pie.  I ate all of it.

In addition to 10,000 lakes, Minnesota has about 10,000 waterfalls too and we stopped at Gooseberry Falls after the pie consumption.  It was nice, but very accessible so it was jampacked with people. I find areas that everyone can go to filled with people who don't know what to do with nature.  The sign there said "Swimming discouraged" and I was discouraged to see the water packed with people who cannot read signs.  They were slow on the small trail, didn't know to move over when they were slow, and were also found to try and climb the rock walls to jump into the water they shouldn't be swimming in.  I hated all of them and was positive it was the same people who were trying to climb Devil's Tower and scratching off pieces of rock from Mt. Rushmore when I was there.  I realize I am a terrible nature snob, but you don't have to destroy nature to enjoy it.

Moving on with my person and his small person who had had enough of nature as a self-avowed "inside kid", we made it to Grand Marais and walked along the boardwalk and saw Artist's Point. It was gorgeous!  Craggy, rocky, coastal, filled with seagulls and humans. With the forest behind us and the wide expanse of lake in front of us, I felt small and insignificant and awed.  I love that feeling.

Craggy, rocky, coastal.

The next day was the very best day of our trip.  We went fishing and canoeing with friends in the Boundary Waters.  We pretty much drove almost to Canada and made a left and took a gravel road for a long time and then stopped.  We saw two people at the boat launch and didn't see another human the rest of the day.  Just our two canoes and so much water and forest and more water.  I have canoed before, but I have never canoed over two lakes and back.  Bald eagles swooped overhead, fished jumped in the water, and while I know bears lurked in the forest, we didn't see any.  My person exclaimed "I AM SO HAPPY!" and my heart swooped and smiled.  We paddled and floated and fished.  I cast my line out 50 times and caught one tiny fish and a bunch of weeds.  I also got it stuck on a branch.  My person caught a fish, his small person caught a fish, and I caught weeds.  Until, on my 51st cast, I got a fish!  A giant fish!  I reeled it in and did a fair bit of exclaiming as I did so.  I was very excited!  I hadn't caught a fish since I was 8 years old and only remember it by the picture of me in a Miss Piggy T-shirt and sun visor holding a fish.  I CAUGHT A GIANT FISH!  I PADDLED ACROSS TWO LAKES TO CATCH A GIANT FISH!!  (note: please don't ask me how big it was, I didn't measure it, I just know it was giant) I was exhilarated and exhausted and so very alive.  It is usually hiking mountains that gives me this rush but now I know it is just being in nature, pushing myself to do hard things in nature, that gives me this rush.  I will admit to it turning more so to exhaustion by the time we paddled back, cleaned fish, and loaded canoes.  The small person was running amok and driving me insane and when it was suggested that I go check out the river, I believe my reply was "I've seen a lot of water today."

Pulled ashore for some lunch and a bushwhack of a hike.

We hiked, we saw some more waterfalls not congested with people, and we visited with friends.  The inside kid ran around like an outside kid chasing other outdoor kids.   We drank beer and ate the fish we caught.  It was the very best fish I have ever eaten in my life.  Ever.  

We didn't get to do everything we had planned on doing, no death-trap Alpine slide for example, but we did leave our hotel every day by 8am and not get back until 8pm or later.  We fell into bed tired, woke up kind of sore, and went back out to do it again.  It was, as far as vacations go, an amazing one.  I did wish my kids were there many times, but that is a wish I have almost every day anyway.  

I cannot wait to go back to Minnesota one day.  I want to paddle more, fish more, and I want to camp.  I want to do more hikes.  I want to feel exhilarated and exhausted and content. I want to see my person's eyes light up and his whole face smile as exclaims "I AM SO HAPPY".  And, I really need another piece of that pie.